Most families experience pregnancy as a joyous occasion culminating in the birth of their babies. As birth professionals, we are all too aware that this is unfortunately, not always the case. With 1 in 4 pregnancies ending in miscarriage before 20 weeks and 160 families each year in the US experiencing the stillbirth of their babies, birth professionals and the community need to be mindful and supportive of these families. These families need a network of support to help them through the unthinkable tragedy of their loss, whether it’s a miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss.

At Doulas of the Hudson Valley, we’re most frequently contacted by women who are expecting a healthy, happy outcome. We are also available for those who expectedly or unexpectedly have to deal with the worst pain any parent could ever experience. Doulas can assist families through birth and loss in any trimester of pregnancy. Just as in all births, doulas can provide families with physical, emotional and informational support. Women who are suffering a loss, give birth to their babies and benefit from consistent and caring birth support and postpartum support. Our doulas can also help connect families with community resources for further support.

A local perinatal bereavement program is offered in the Hudson Valley at Good Samaritan Regional Medical Center. They offer a support group at the hospital, a facebook group for area families, a newsletter and annual events. Another local resource, which is online and available to all parents is Reconceiving Loss, a resource center for coping with pregnancy or infant loss. They also host a public digital archive to commemorate baby loss where families can share their own stories, essays, poems etc. Stillbirthday also offers an artistic commemoration option through their Womandala project.  For other local support groups in the Hudson Valley, the Hailey’s Hope Foundation maintains a list on their website.

While some are familiar with the processing and transitioning that new families have when they give birth to their children, few people acknowledge the processing and transitioning necessary for families who have lost their children. People often make comments, intended to be helpful that are actual very hurtful to grieving parents. Parents are often expected to just get over the loss and move on, or to be comforted by the fact that they can probably have another baby that would be healthy. In this context, you can see how these comments are not helpful. Still Standing Magazine has a helpful article on how to speak compassionately to bereaved parents. Angela Miller says, “My child died. I don’t need advice. All I need is for you to gently close your mouth, open wide your heart and walk with me until I can see in color again.”

There are helpful and comforting things that can be said to bereaved parents. The Western New York Perinatal Bereavement Network says, “One of the most comforting things to say is, “I’m sorry.” This lets us know that you are thinking of us and recognize our pain. Respect that everyone grieves differently and in their own time. Don’t try to put a time line on our grief or expect us to “get over it.” Grieving the death of one’s child is a lifelong process.” Doulas, friends and other community members can continue to acknowledge the child that was lost. This is a process that there is no road map for and no completion date.  As the Stillbirthday organization says, “grief is not linear and that in bereavement, we may experience many, many various feelings.” Helping families to memorialize and remember their baby as a valued family member. Doulas can play an integral part in helping families through this trying time and providing a supportive presence going forward.  
 
Whether dealing with an early miscarriage, stillbirth or neonatal loss, every baby is important and highly valued. Every baby and every family deserves support. Please, do not hesitate to contact the Doulas of the Hudson Valley if you are experiencing a loss and would like support.

Courtney Durfee, CD, CLC, Member of Doulas of the Hudson Valley
 
 
Further Resources
http://reconceivingloss.com/
http://www.stillbirthday.com/2011/11/19/starthere/
http://www.haileyshopefoundation.org/family-support/additional-resources/perinatal-bereavement-support/
http://stillstandingmag.com/2014/01/6-things-never-say-bereaved-parent/
http://www.wnypbn.org/our-help.html
http://www.heavensgain.com/id44.html

Last but not least our final package.  Thank you all for participating.  We hope you continue to follow our blog and check out our events in the future.

Remember “ If a doula were a drug, It would be unethical not to use it” –Dr. John Kennell.  If are always available for free interviews if you want to find out more about our services.

1.     Earth Mama Angle Baby Natural Stretch Oil and Body Butter donated by Patti.  Earth Mama Angle Baby is a product line of all natural and organic body products and teas geared toward moms and babies.
Patricia Jones, is a DONA trained Birth Doula and Postpartum Doula and CLC. Pati has always had a passion for babies and childbirth, and after the empowering birth experiences of her two children she felt becoming a doula was the right thing to do. Pati believes that every family deserves a doula and should be able to have the birth experience they have always dreamed of. She feels it’s her passion and privilege to serve women and their families through their journey of childbirth. Pati will offer supportive, caring and continuing presence in labor and into the transition of becoming a parent. Pati has an A.S in Business Management and is a leader for the Dutchess County Chapter of the Holistic Moms Network. Pati currently resides in Livingston, NY with her husband and two children, Adriana and Jack.
Patricia Jones - http://www.pathwaystobirth.org
(914) 388-5018

2.     6-12 month hand knit earflap hat by Liz.  Beautiful maroon and gray earflap hat.  Great to save for fall or use during these cooler spring days.
Liz Fernandez, CD (DONA), LCSW is a certified birth doula through Doulas of North America International, and is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Liz is also in training to become a Certified Lactation Consultant & Childbirth Educator through Childbirth International.
I have always felt that doula work is a calling, and for me this passion started over 10 years ago. I pride myself on my compassion and unique ability to connect to almost anyone, regardless of circumstance. I run a private psychotherapy practice as well, and I feel my social work background lends itself well in particular to those women coming into pregnancy with a history of depression/ anxiety, or abuse/neglect- who want support during pregnancy and labor. I also specialize in helping women who are single parents and those who have histories of births that were challenging or traumatic. My philosophy is that women should be empowered to birth however they feel safest, and as long as they are making informed choices, can and should make whatever birthing decisions they want. I am also the proud mother of my beautiful son Wesley.
Liz Fernandez- http://www.empoweredmothercounseling.com
(845) 706-9385

 3.     30 Minute Massage from Stana.  This massage will be in her New Paltz office and tailored to the individual. She has studied Swedish, Shiatsu, Myofacial/Deep Tissue Release, Cranio-Sacral Therapy, Reiki and other techniques which she combines to meet your needs.
Stana has been a licensed massage therapist since 1999 and started her career supporting families throughout pregnancy, birth & parenting as a massage therapist, doula & educator in 2002.
Originally from Brooklyn, Stana is excited to bring her expertise & support to the Hudson Valley.
She is certified in Perinatal Massage and specializes in Pregnancy and Postpartum. Though this massage can also be used for relaxation, sports, to treat a specific condition or as part of a wellness program.
Stana Weisburd, LMT
(917) 575-1227

4.     $25 Waddle n Swaddle Gift Certificate donated by Lisle.  With locations in Poughkeepsie and Rhinebeck Waddle n Swaddle boutique covers all your pregnancy and breastfeeding needs
www.WaddlenSwaddle.com
Lisle (pronounced "Leal") Pepe is a DONA certified Birth Doula and Postpartum Doula serving women throughout the Hudson Valley. After the natural births of her children over 20 years ago, she became very interested in becoming a birth doula but was busy teaching elementary school and raising her 3 young children. Once becoming an empty nester, she pursued her dream of becoming a doula and feels honored to be a part of such an empowering and intimate experience for a woman (and her partner). 
Lisle offers continual doula support throughout labor as well as prenatal and postpartum support. She strongly believes having a doula greatly enhances the entire birth experience and is committed to giving women a calm, empathetic, and comfortable setting for their own unique birth. Lisle is deeply respectful of each woman's desires and strives to assist the woman (and her partner) in having a beautiful and positive birth experience.
Lisle Pepe
(845) 518-3191

5.     Breastpads and rice sock.  Reusable breastpads are a must have for all new moms.  The rice sock is perfect to ease all your sore spots.  Put it in the microwave to use as a heat pack to release sore muscles or store in the freezer to put on bumps and bruises. 
Kayla McCullen is the crafty mom who handmade these gifts.  She is a mother and trained birth doula.
Kayla McCullen - http://www.facebook.com/SacredLotusDoula
(518) 742-9638

6.     Mother-Daughter Wisdom by Christine Northrup.  Mother-Daughter Wisdom introduces an entirely new map of female development, exploring the “five facets of feminine power,” which range from the basics of physical self-care to the discovery of passion and purpose in life. This blueprint allows any woman—whether or not she has children--–to repair the gaps in her own upbringing and create a better adult relationship with her mother. If she has her own daughter, it will help her be the mother she has always wanted to be.

Doulas support expectant families emotionally.  One of the ways we support them is through birth affirmations.  Birth affirmations help to ease your fears and anxieties.  They help to open your mind and remove mental blockages.  They free you to have the birth you were meant to have.  Birth affirmations are helpful both prenatally and during birth.


I will have a strong and healthy baby.
I accept myself completely here and now.

My body is meant to give birth.
I am at peace.
I am completely relaxed and comfortable.
I have courage, faith and patience.

I trust my body.
I trust the process.
I am opening like a flower.
I am a birthing goddess.
I am strong!


1. Birth Planning Session with Mavis.  This session is perfect for those who have questions about how to have the birth experience you want. I will help you navigate through all the choices in planning your birth. This is especially helpful for women who want to VBAC, or have a birth without interventions in the hospital, or are considering hiring a doula.

Mavis Gewant, MA, CD, CLC, is a doula, lactation counselor and birth educator with more than 20 years in the field. She supports women during their pregnancy, birth and beyond and teaches many birth classes locally.
Mavis Gewant - http://www.gentlecaredoulaservice.com
(845) 616-1743

2.  IET Session with Maritday.  Integrated Energy Therapy (or IET as we refer to it) is a therapy, which connects repairs and vitalizes mind, body and soul. Now what exactly does that mean? Well simply put, the human form is more than just the physical body we all see and interact with on a daily basis.  Inside that body there is an energy driving it - a life source if you will. IET re-connects the mind, body and soul in order to restore the natural equilibrium that sustains life, health and happiness. During an IET treatment the therapist connects into, calls upon, and utilizes, that universal divine energy, and channels it with the assistance of the healing angels, through his/her own energy system and into the person being treated. The intention is to release blockages in order to restore and heal the vital internal life force which fuels our bodies, our emotions and our very lives. It provides the environment to allow feelings and emotions to release from the body, from their various points of refuge, so that a deep healing can occur at that site where they are 'trapped' - sometimes for years - and so restore the body to a healthy state. Once the body's energy is unblocked and restored, it can repair and heal itself, bringing about the natural state which the Divine intended for each and every one of us.
Maritday Rodriguez - http://www.amaritday.com
(845) 399-5456

3. Birthing Goddess Necklace made by Angelique.  This handmade clay navy sparkle birthing goddess reaches to the heavens on a purple ribbon symbolizing her connection to the Divine Creator.  Looking at the lotus above her, she is reassured that even when all is not “perfect,” beauty can emerge – the beauty of the baby soon to be born & and the beauty of her own feminine strength and love rising within her.
My role as a doula and childbirth educator is to shine a light on your personal power and unique gifts during this passage of motherhood. My goal is to help provide a safe and comfortable atmosphere, so that through educational, physical, & emotional support, you feel heard and confident to make the decisions that are best for you and your baby.
 As an ordained inter-faith celebrant through the Universal Life Church, I have the honor of creating & officiating ceremonies for Moms (Blessingways), baby blessings, and pregnancy/infant loss rituals.
As a massage therapist, I have the pleasure to support families pre-conception during fertility work, throughout pregnancy and beyond. Moms and dads enjoy learning infant massage as a wonderful way to bond with their babies, calm them, and help with digestive upset.
 I am also available for belly casting & henna tattooing privately or for events like showers & Blessingways.
Angelique Devlin - http://www.heartsfull.com
(914) 227-5027

4. $25 Illuminated Baby Gift Certificate.  Illuminated Baby is a natural parenting boutique located in the heart of Woodstock.

http://illuminatedbaby.com

5. Breastpads and rice sock.  Reusable breastpads are a must have for all new moms.  The rice sock is perfect to ease all your sore spots.  Put it in the microwave to use as a heat pack to release sore muscles or store in the freezer to put on bumps and bruises. 

Kayla McCullen is the crafty mom who handmade these gifts.  She is a mother and trained birth doula.
Kayla McCullen - http://www.facebook.com/SacredLotusDoula
(518) 742-9638

A healthy outside begins with a healthy inside.  

1. Nutritional Consultation with Maritday*.  Most approaches to nutrition dwell on calories, carbs, fats, proteins. Instead of creating lists of restrictions and good and bad foods, I coach my clients to create a happy, healthy life in a way that is flexible, fun and free of denial and discipline.

No one diet works for everyone. I will guide you to find the food and lifestyle choices that best support you. I will also help you to make gradual, lifelong changes that enable you to reach your current and future health goals.
Maritday Rodriguez - http://www.amaritday.com
(845) 399-5456

 
2.  Breastfeeding session with Lijah*.  There is nothing better than to have another woman sit with you in your home and observe you breastfeeding. Lijah can help with common issues, such as latch and positioning, sore nipples, supply, back to work, pumping.

Lijah Friedman, CLC, CD, is a Prenatal, Labor Support & Postpartum Doula, Certified Lactation Counselor , Life Documentation Photographer and Placenta Services Provider. A doula since 1994, Lijah provides practical support, guidance and education to women and their families. She is knowledgeable about acupressure, aromatherapy, yoga, visualization and relaxation techniques.She also has formal training in photography from the International Center for Photography and also provides photography services for prenatal, birth, postpartum, and life documentation.
Lijah Friedman -  http://lijahfriedman.wordpress.com
(347) 946-5448

3. Pregnancy or lactation cookies made by Rachel.  A nice treat for mom, these homemade organic cookies are always gluten, egg, soy and dairy free.

Rachel is a DONA International trained birth Doula and is a certified Sacred Postpartum practitioner. Rachel has always loved working with children and families; she followed her heart to birth work and is honored to support women and families through prenatal, labor, and postpartum. 
As a Doula and Restorative Postnatal Care practitioner, I accompany women through prenatal, labor, and postpartum stages to help ensure a safe and supported birth. While I do not have children yet, I have worked with families and babies since I was a young girl and have always been drawn to supporting women in all transitions in life. I draw on my knowledge, experience, and intuition to provide what a mother and her partner need to best bring their baby into the world, creating and holding energetic space along with them, whether in a hospital, birth center, or at home. I’m independent and self-employed. As your Doula, I am working for you. From body healing to emotional support, informative guidance to birthing techniques, I am there to nurture and support the needs of each mother and her family. I believe in the birth process and that each woman needs the love and support to trust her own body and listen to her intuition. 
Rachel Jakobs - https://www.facebook.com/BabyWhispererDoula
(845) 706-7034
(Actual cookies not pictured and may differ in look than those in picture.  Taste will still be delicious) 

4.  $25 Waddle n Swaddle gift card donated by Lisle.  With locations in Rhinebeck and Poughkeepsie, Waddle n Swaddle Boutique has you covered for all your pregnancy and breastfeeding needs.

Lisle (prounounced "Leal") Pepe is a DONA certified Birth Doula and Postpartum Doula serving women throughout the Hudson Valley. After the natural births of her children over 20 years ago, she became very interested in becoming a birth doula but was busy teaching elementary school and raising her 3 young children. Once becoming an empty nester, she pursued her dream of becoming a doula and feels honored to be a part of such an empowering and intimate experience for a woman (and her partner). 
Lisle offers continual doula support throughout labor as well as prenatal and postpartum support. She strongly believes having a doula greatly enhances the entire birth experience and is committed to giving women a calm, empathetic, and comfortable setting for their own unique birth. Lisle is deeply respectful of each woman's desires and strives to assist the woman (and her partner) in having a beautiful and positive birth experience.
Lisle Pepe
(845) 518-3191

5. Breastpads and rice sock.  Reusable breastpads are a must have for all new moms.  The rice sock is perfect to ease all your sore spots.  Put it in the microwave to use as a heat pack to release sore muscles or store in the freezer to put on bumps and bruises. 

Kayla McCullen is the crafty mom who handmade these gifts.  She is a mother and trained birth doula.
Kayla McCullen - http://www.facebook.com/SacredLotusDoula
(518) 742-9638

*All in home services include up to 45 minutes of travel time from the doulas individual Hudson Valley location.  Any locations further than this may incur an additional traveling fee. 

photo sources:
http://proteenqueen.com/how-to-make-healthy-choices/
http://www.mamaandbabylove.com/2013/06/06/amazing-delicious-gluten-free-lactation-cookies/

“Bonding is the intense attachment that develops between parents and their baby. It makes parents want to shower their baby with love and affection and to protect and nourish their little one. Bonding gets parents up in the middle of the night to feed their hungry baby and makes them attentive to the baby's wide range of cries.” (source: http://kidshealth.org/parent/pregnancy_newborn/communicating/bonding.html#)

Doulas help assist with bonding.  We educate you during pregnancy, support you during birth, and care for you during the postpartum period.  All these things help you to feel loved, cared for and empowered.  All these things will help you to bond with your baby. 

1.     Private Infant Massage Class by Jennifer.* Jennifer will come to your house and teach mom and dad how to massage their infant.  Infant massage promotes bonding, helps parents to tune into their baby’s cues, helps baby sleep better and more.  Class includes a detailed booklet and personal bottle of massage oil.

Jennifer Knapp is a Birth Arts trained Birth Doula and a Loving Touch® Certified Infant Massage Instructor.  It wasn’t until the birth of her first child that she realized she loved all things birth and babies.  With each of her children her desire to learn more about natural birth and parenting grew more and more.  After the birth of her third and final baby she knew that being involved with pregnancy and birth was what she wanted and needed to do.   
Jennifer Knapp- http://www.sildoula.com
(845) 849-6404

2.     Birth Relaxation Session with Johanna.*  Johanna, National Guild of Hypnotists certified Consulting Hypnotist, will guide you through a one hour long relaxation session.

Johanna D’Aleo CD(DONA), HCBE, CLC is an experienced labor and postpartum doula, certified HypnoBirthing Educator and Childbirth Educator offering doula support, private or group child birth classes  and breastfeeding support as a Certified Lactation Counselor.  She also offers belly casting and placenta dehydration/encapsulation. Johanna is also DONA certified in the use of a TENS unit during labor.
Johanna D’Aleo - http://calmdoula.com
(845) 901-7431

3.     $50 Placenta Encapsulation Gift Certificate from Courtney.  Ingesting your encapsulated placenta helps to prevent the “baby blues”, increases milk production, shortens healing time and can increase the mothers energy level.

Courtney Durfee, CLD(CAPPA), CD(DONA), HCHD, CLC, is a Certified HypnoBabies Childbirth Hypnosis Doula and Trained HypnoBirthing Doula. She is a mother to one wonderful little boy and currently resides in Montgomery, NY. She provides consistent and caring support for pregnant women of the Hudson Valley and their families during pregnancy, birth and beyond. Courtney also offers Commemorative Placenta Preparation & Encapsulation, as an Independent Placenta Services Provider. 
Courtney Durfee - http://www.placentaservice.com


4.     Gentle Baby by Young Living Oils donated by Maritday.  Gentle Baby™ is a soft, fragrant combination of essential oils designed specifically for mothers and babies. It helps calm emotions during pregnancy and is useful for quieting troubled little ones.

5.     Breastpads and rice sock.  Reusable breastpads are a must have for all new moms.  The rice sock is perfect to ease all your sore spots.  Put it in the microwave to use as a heat pack to release sore muscles or store in the freezer to put on bumps and bruises. 

Kayla McCullen is the crafty mom who handmade these gifts.  She is a mother and trained birth doula.
Kayla McCullen - http://www.facebook.com/SacredLotusDoula
(518) 742-9638

*All in home services include up to 45 minutes of travel time from the doulas individual Hudson Valley location.  Any locations further than this may incur an additional traveling fee.  

In the dictionary, the word Barter is defined as follows:
A system of exchange by which goods or services are directly exchanged for other goods or services without using a medium of exchange, such as money. 

In today’s fast paced world, bartering could be confused with haggling, or arguing over the price of something, sort of like being at a flea market or a yard sale where the buyer tries to lower the price of the item by walking away or talking the buyer down. Bartering is not swapping, it is an even trade.

I have been a doula for 20+ years, and have supported dozens of women, their partners and families through labor, birth and the postpartum period. Living in Los Angeles, I have been paid handsomely for my work as a birth and postpartum doula, and have volunteered my services at a maternity home where women from all walks of life found themselves pregnant and homeless.  Needless to say, they could not afford a doula. So on the one hand you have “clients” who can pay for a doula, and on the other you have women who are so grateful to have someone with them, supporting them through labor and birth.  

“What is all this leading up to ”?  You might ask.  Well, we all painfully aware that our economy is struggling.  Many couples and families live on one income, we are all shaving perks from our lives: gone are the family vacations, that new car, the kitchen renovation.  But what about the doula you wanted for your birth?

Well, you can still have that doula, all you have to do is be imaginative, bold, and ask. Most doulas have “a sliding scale”, many will take payment over time, and some of us will barter our services.  I have! A few years ago, I found out my farrier (the wonderful guy who puts shoes on my horse) and his girlfriend were pregnant.  He sort of knew what a doula was, and in between trimming and shoeing my horse, I told him about the difference between a doula and a midwife.    A light bulb went off!  We figured that we both had a talent that we could exchange:  I would be their childbirth educator/labor doula and he would shoe my horse for a year.  He spoke to his girlfriend who happily agreed to the barter. All three of us were happy!   A few months later, their baby was born, and our plan went off without a hitch. 

As a doula, my “clients” and I sign a birth agreement, and in my barter situation, we did just that, except that in place of the agreed price for my services, we wrote in the nature of the barter. 

So, in conclusion, if you really would love to have a doula, but think you can’t afford one, think again.  Maybe your partner is a carpenter, and the doula needs new cabinets, maybe you are a web designer and the doula needs a new website, the possibilities are endless.  We have become more open to seeing life through a different prism, and in the end, we all have something to offer,

Jenny Gillespie, ICCE,CD,BDT
www.yourdoula.com      

To read about alternative ways to fund doula service, read part one on gift certificates
and visit our gift certificate page.

We are excited to be offering gift certificates that family and friends can purchase toward doula service or any of the other services our doulas offer. Many women think that having a doula is something they can't afford. Now you can, why not suggest when people ask you what you want, that instead of all the endless baby supplies, you would like them to contribute something to you getting a birth or postpartum doula. It makes a great shower gift!

Here's how it works. You get to interview as many of the doulas on this website. When you decide to hire her, she will honor your gift certificate and take it off her total fee. Many of the doulas here will also be willing to work out payment plans for you. For example, her fee is $1000, you get a $500 gift certificate, so now you only have to come up with $500, which you can spread out over a few payments. You could make 5 payments of $100, or whatever other arrangement you mutually agree upon. We at Doulas of the Hudson Valley are committed to having all women have doula support and will be happy to suggest ways to fund our services. For more info on the gift certificates go here.

Just read this article and think its valuable to reprint. Apparently kegels do more damage than good to the pelvic floor integrity. Squatting provides the most benefit for women, as it helps strengthen the muscles and prevent incontinence!
http://mamasweat.blogspot.com/2010/05/pelvic-floor-party-kegels-are-not.htmlweeblylink_new_window